Rian is a hard throwing pitcher who occasionally experiences some “inaccuracies.” If you are a hitter and you find yourself facing Rian with a 3-0 count then you can safely assume you will be dotted. Likewise 0-2 is not a good count either, you might want to duck. For that matter 3-1, 3-2, 2-2, 2-1, 2-0, 1-1, and probably 1-0 are also danger counts. You should be vigilant on these counts as well.
A Side of Cheese: The Man
Q&A With Rian “The Man” Heaslip
Ever since that fateful night of the first NE Pub Crawl, there has been a Man in all our lives. He seemingly appeared out of the hazy shadows, talking about a bachelor party or something and quickly integrated into the flow. First at that Pub Crawl, and then at the rinks. How did he do it? Somehow he nicknamed himself The Man and it managed to stick. Sociologists could study it for years and manage to glean more and more insight into the human psyche. Were we defeated before he ever pitched an inning? The Man has a real name. It is Rian Heaslip. He grew up in Duluth, lives in Bloomington but will soon be moving into St Paul's Como Neighborhood where he intends to plant his Man roots for some time.
During the day The Man serves as the Vice President of an aircraft detailing company called AeroShine Inc. Google it. he found out about the HRL after searching the internet for wiffle leagues. The rest is history. He did not have an extensive childhood array of childhood wiffle experiences. His first experience with the grand sport was some backyard wiffles with barbecue during a trip to Boston with Tuggy and Dirty Steve. That day he had Fenway and an introduction to wiffles - has to rank among his best days ever.
The Man has already had a storied HRL career. An All Star fixture, HRL Champ and runner up. On offense he is a dynamo. We will perhaps never know what was happening to The Man in 2007 - the one aberration in his juggernaut of a career at the plate. In this his fifth season, The Man boasts an OPS of almost 1,000. He has walked less in those 4 years than his teamate Tuggy did in his inaugural season. The Man never gets cheated at the plate. On the mound, The Man came into the League guns blazing. He threw as fast or faster than anyone we had seen and could seemingly pinpoint his heater wherever he pleased. There was little movement but with speed and location he was nearly unhittable. As the league evolved, so too did The Man. As pitch speed debates came into focus, he adjusted his game - impressively teaching himself wiffle pitches. He now displays risers and sliders regularly and still gets you out.
The Man may be the most clutch performer in this league despite the heartbreaking loss to the Reds last year. Give me one guy to close out a game on the hill and I'll take him every time (remember that when voting this year Hopkins).
And now - a Mannish Side of Cheese...
Q: Favorite wiffle memory/experience?
A: Any HRL road trip. All good times!
Q: Favorite baseball player all time?
A: Kirby Puckett
Q: Favorite 3 movies?
A: Frequency, The Usual Suspects, For The Love of The Game
Q: Desert island for the rest of your life and you get 3 foods unlimited - what are they?
A: Pepperoni/Green olive pizza, Coney Island hot dogs, Egg foo young
Q: fave 3 beverages?
A: Orangina, Coca Cola, Bells Hopslam beer
Q: Toughest out?
Q: Toughest pitcher to face?
Q: Something we don't know about you but we should:
A: I know all about purses and shoes. I don’t know how or why I just know all about them.
Q: Favorite Dan?
Q: fave 3 bands/musicians?
A: DMB, Tower of Power, Ben Folds
Q: Fave 3 magazines:
A: I don’t read many magazines so I will change this to Fave 3 books.
#1 The Average American Male by Chad Kultgen
#2 Term Limits by Vince Flynn
#3 The Faithful Spy by Alex Berenson
Q: Fave 3 TV shows?
A: Lost, 24, Different Strokes
Q: If you were not a Red Sox guy which team would you play for?
A: X or Indians
Q: How fast can you really throw a wiffle ball?
A: Infinite, bitches.
Q: If you died and someone had to be named The Man who would you bequeath the name to?
A: The name would die with me. But if I had to……… Sanchez because when someone would say his name he would have to think of me and how much cooler I am than him.
Q: Mayo or Miracle Whip?
Q: Hunting, Fishing or none of the above?
A: I enjoy fishing but I don’t get out as often as I would like.
A: No that’s for hillbillies.
Q: Best 4 spectator sports:
A: Baseball, Hockey, College Basketball, Womans Beach Volleyball
Clutch: Sgt Slaughter
Good wiffleball: Fun
Q: Does The Man dance?
A: When I get happy feet
Q: What scares The Man?
A: You can’t scare The Man!
Q: How many bowel movements per day/week?
A: 2 per day
Q: One piece of advice for all the new guys this year?
A: Bar attendance is non negotiable
Q: Has The Man ever eaten quiche?
A: No I don’t like cheese.
Q: Did The man enjoy The Man Show?
A: It had its moments
Q: How many HR will The Man hit this year?
A: More than everyone who reads this.